Hey all, I'd love to share with you something I've finally realized.

A couple of weeks ago I went on my last trip to Juarez with my youth group (I've gone all four years). I was worried about going at first, because I'd be missing a week of school. But now I know why God decided to put me in Mexico for that week instead. He wanted to give me a gift.

There's a hill/mountain the group climbs every year on the last day of our trip. At the top you can see the whole city, over the border, and to Texas. It's a time just to reflect and to pray.

Exactly a year before that (and I don't think I ever told you guys) I was at one of the lowest points I'd been in my life, for a lot of reasons I won't go into now. I'll just say I was deeply tired of relying on guys to validate me. It was before the DR trip. I was cutting more than once a day then. I knew I was in trouble. On that mountainside, exactly a year before, I offered up my heart to Him, which was a bloody mess. I remember praying, "God, I am in so much pain. I can't DO this anymore. I want to glorify You and to trust You and to know You, but I'm so fragile and so broken I can barely take a step, much less walk. God, how could I possibly be fit to go the DR this summer, in this state." I listened to Beauty for Ashes and prayed for just that, beauty for ashes, that God would give me a new heart.

Exactly a year later, I got to sit on that same rock and listen to the same song and realize that He has answered my prayers. In every way I could have asked.

He started with our trip to the Dominican Republic. He helped me realized how small my faith really was, and grew it enormously. He gave me all of you (the girls and the guys) to love and to encourage and to lift up, and you all loved, encouraged, and lifted me up in return. You all are really some of the best friends I'll ever have. You helped heal my heart.

I came home and realized that I didn't feel so fragile anymore, that I had a new... strength of the heart that I didn't really recognize. But somehow I wasn't scared it would leave me because I wasn't scared that God would leave me. Since then He has taught me so much about my own heart, what I need vs. what I want, my abilities, my faults, my passions. I gave Him my heart, all of it, and the He gave me a new one.

Sitting on the mountainside a couple of weeks ago, I felt like one of the luckiest people in the world. I have everything I need to live and more. I have parents who love me and encourage me to by myself, not someone else. I have close friends I can confide in, friends I cherish and love as sisters and brothers. I go to a school that grows me as a whole person, not as a mind. I have a bright future. I have an amazing boyfriend who I'm just beginning to know, who I care for immensely but don't NEED...(does that make sense?).

But the best part is that I can love freely without being afraid I'll be hurt. I'm not afraid anymore that I don't have enough, because I know now, to the core of my being, that to God, I am enough.

I feel so overwhelmingly blessed because I've waited for YEARS to be where I am now. I've realized that a chapter of my life has ended and a new one has started. And I know that it won't feel this way forever...there will be ups and downs like always. But I know one thing for sure: I have been made new. And all the glory is His.

Lol, wow how's that for a blog. Thanks to all of you who have made it to the end :). I love you oodles and oodles!!!!

Oh and just to finish off with some REALLY good news.....JORDAN AND I ARE GOING TO THE SAME COLLEGE!!!!!!!! WAHOO!!!!!!! Praise God!!!!!