Mostly, I've been hiding a little recently - today I ended a month long e-mail black out.  I stopped checking my email because I'd had emails from Graduate Schools sitting in my inbox that I didn't know how to respond to.  So, like any responsible 25 year old, I covered my eyes and waited for them to go away.

 

Over the past two weeks I've been praying A LOT about where to go and what to do.  Talking with an older friend here, we agreed that as you mature in your walk with the Lord the more often it seems like He gives you more and more decisions to make on your own; often these days the answers I get back are not clear cut, black and white, go here and do thus.  They are rather shades of grey, with many doors opening and closing - a confusing noise even when Christ is walking with you. 

 

It is very easy to be tempted to think that my lack of "Thou Shalt" direction is because I have a weak faith, or because God does not choose to talk to me, when that couldn't be further from the truth.  It's because I'm loved and trusted that my God now lets me walk on my own.  It's a bit like getting your drivers license for the first time - you're so scared to screw up, worried that you're going to hit something or break the car; every bump seems an endless sink-hole. It's also exhilarating, freeing, and wondrous to being to be able to create your own life, which I know is my God's true love and desire.  Not to have me, in my flesh, create something out of my own desires and wants and fears, but rather secure in my love and with my very self, very nature wrapped in Him, to begin painting the canvas of my life with worship that is truly mine. 

 

I think that in the fall I will begin worshiping God by training to become a professor of Chemistry.  I'm really scared, because I know that the work will be rough, and I'll be in over my head a whole stinking LOT the first semester.  I've sort of decided to stay here in the area after worrying over the problem in my mind a lot, and the truth of the matter is I just don't sense the Lord calling me away to something else yet; so for the moment I'll stick with the ministries and community I've invested in.  And I have a church that's worth it's weight in gold.

 

If you pray for me, pray for girl friends - I seem to have a bit of a lack out here.  Pray that God would bless this decision.  Pray that I would seek to honor him with my life, and not myself.   and pray, most importantly, for the next 25 christian freshman that the Lord will be sending to Union College (where I volunteer) this fall - that we would build a Glorious and living fellowship.

 

I love you!