Hey everyone,

I'm writing because I'm all sorts of feelings and...ugh. I have no idea how to get to this so I'll just say it.

My best friend is pregnant.

I just found out today...we had a huge fight about a week ago that ended with us pretty much telling each other; "I can't handle you anymore, good riddance." I felt horrible afterword and prayed about it. God told me to go see her, and it took me a few days to work up the nerve, but I did. And we talked about the fight and she told me.

What kills me is that she's known since April. I noticed that she was getting more distant and more emotional...I suspected something was going on but she didn't seem to want to talk about it. She stopped talking about God, which should have been a red flag for me because she's as much in love with God as I am. But we pretty much tell each other everything so I didn't think much of it for a long time...I thought that she'd be open when she was ready. But about a month ago it became a real problem...she stopped returning most of my phone calls and became increasingly antagonistic. I told her that I felt she was ignoring me but she brushed me off. I began to fear that, for some reason, she didn't want to be my friend anymore. And basically the fear led to confusion and confusion turned to frustration and frustration turned to anger and anger exploded into something ugly and hurtful.

She's known for four months. Four months, and she never told me. And I couldn't be there for her. She was in tears when she told me she was so sorry, that she pushed me away and that she hurt me, that she was afraid I'd be hurt and that I'd have to deal with it on top of going to college and leaving all the people I love. I told her that I forgave her and that I loved her and wanted to be there for her.

I guess I should give some facts...the father is her boyfriend of two years, and he's very supportive. He wanted to keep the baby, he even said he would marry her. But she, after a lot of thinking and a lot of tears, she decided to have the baby and put it up for adoption. She has really bad morning sickness. She doesn't know if it's a boy or girl yet; she finds out on the 14th.

God, the entire time she was telling me all this I felt slightly outside my body, like all my actions weren't really mine. She showed me the ultrasound photos...it's real. She's having a baby. A baby that will live and crawl and look like her and her boyfriend.

Please pray for her...she's not in denial anymore, but she's very scared and fragile. Pray that God would comfort her and give her strength; she has a long way to go. Please pray for me too, that God would guide me and give me words because I have no idea what I'm doing.... I'm still sad/confused/angry/every feeling that she's kept this from me for so long, for some of the things she said to me when we were fighting...God I'm tearing up just writing it....

I love you all and miss you terribly. I wish you were here.

Please pray.